Things That Women Notice That You Probably Don't

Listen up, Chuckster. Before you crawl off on the sofa with that cold bottle of MGD, take a few tips from the old man. If you pay attention and read real hard, you just might get a date or two, in which case I'll take over on that LaBatt'* Ice, because you probably won't be needing it...maybe.

Here are a few things that all gals notice, and most Neanderthal males don't. Pay close attention, cavenuts:

Women notice dirt: That may seem like a given, but I don't mean mud stains on your jeans, or even that wayward hot sauce from that breakfast chimichanga on your white shirt, but eetsy-beetsy little teenie-tiny stains. Got a micron sized ink blob on your shirt cuff? They'll see it. Got a Nachos BelGrande cheese sauce spot on the tie? They'll see it.

Moreover, they probably won't forgive you for it either, grime master.

Never put on a dirty winter coat, covered with road dirt and salt, and figure that women will be understanding and accept it as a symptom of the seasons. They won't. What goes through their head is "Wow...can't that guy see those stains? Why didn't he wash it before he left home? How could anyone go out like that? Yuck!", so if you wanna be a lumberjack, find a tree and start swinging, because that'* about all the action you're likely to get.

Nose Maintenence: This one is a biggie. Nothing turns off women more than picking a winner in public, except professing to be a Celine Dion fan, and that'* a big perhaps. You can't sneak a pick in no matter how hard you try, so don't try it, sneaky Pete. The amazing thing is, you could be driving down a freeway ramp, alone at 4:00 A.M. in a driving rain with the windows fogged, and some gal, somewhere will see it. And what'* worse, once you've been indicted, it just lingers, like sewer gas on a summer day. What I mean is, once you've been positively ID'd as a picker, they will always perceive you as "Ewww...that'* the guy I saw picking his nose...ewww!!" So pick a winner Steinmetz, which means don't pick anything all.

Never ask a prospective date if she has kids: This one is as certain as self-immolation, Buddhist monk style. You may not notice this as being wrong, but think about it: If someone approached you with romantic interest, and the first thing out of their mouth was "Do you have any kids?", what would you think? Well, you'd think the obvious. They want to make sure that you don't have any kids. And what if the answer is yes? My advice is to feel things out. She'll let you know in time, and you need to decide if you're able to accept someone else'* children, and that'* really up to you. Just be polite.

Wash your hands, alot: All of us have been drilled to wash our hands after using the facilities, and I hope that most comply, but you need to expand beyond the throne room, your Royal Dateless Ness. When the gals are around, wash your hands after any questionable manhandle, and that includes getting seemingly invisible dirt and germs on them, like when you pick garbage off the floor, or clean junk out of your car. Be sure to make a show of it. Whenever possible, lather up in a public show of acute clean awareness. Grab a paper towel, and dry your hands like a conductor at the Cleveland Orchestra so any gal within 100 feet can see that you are indeed Mr. Clean. Clean is yummy, dirty is just plain dirty, and not the good kind, neither.

Follow these simple tips on heightened self awareness, and life will take a dramatic turn, rest assured. Which brings me back to that MGD you won't be needing...

So I shouldnt wipe my hands on my booger stained shirt.

LOL No it'* kinda unsanitary to begin with.... but that whole thing is very true! Most females understand you can't look your best all the time and love ya anwyays! I think little quirks are cute!

I agree! Some things are cute and others are a no-no.