I'm at work again and hating it. I need something to make me laugh or at least smile. I don't retain things like that so I don't have any to start this out with. Please Help!!

Two blondes walk into a bar.....




Figures...

Cute. The sad part is that I actually laughed. And I'm not a blonde

A few days ago I was having some work done at my local garage. A blonde came in and asked for a seven-hundred-ten.
We all looked at each other and another customer asked, "What is a seven-hundred-ten?"
She replied, "You know, the little piece in the middle of the engine, I have lost it and need a new one.."
She replied that she did not know exactly what it was, but this piece had always been there.
The mechanic gave her a piece of paper and a pen and asked her to draw what the piece looked like.
She drew a circle and in the middle of it wrote 710. He then took her over to another car which had its hood up and asked "is there a 710 on this car?"
She pointed and said, "Of course, its right there."
If you're not sure what a 710 is....








......






Look here...


710.jpg

A very attractive lady goes up to the bar in a quiet pub. She gestures alluringly to the bartender who comes over immediately.

When he arrives, she seductively signals that he should bring his face closer to hers. When he does, she begins to gently caress his full beard.

" Are you the manager?' she asks, softly stroking his face with both hands.

" Actually, no, " the man replied. " Can you get him for me? I need to speak to him " she says, running her hands beyond his beard and into his hair.

I'm afraid I can't," breathes the bartender." Is there anything I can do? "

" Yes, there is. I need you to give him a message, " she continues, running her forefingers across the bartender'* lips and shyly popping a couple of fingers into his mouth and allowing him to suck them gently.

" What should I tell him? " the bartender manages to say.

" Tell him, " she whispers, " there is no toilet paper, hand soap, or paper towels in the ladies room.

Bubba got drunk and died in a fire in his trailer caused by his cigarette. His body was so badly burned that the morgue needed someone to I.D. the body, so they called his two close friends, Jim-Bob and Billy-Joe to come and try to I.D. the body.

Jim-Bob went in and the mortician pulled back the sheet, and Jim-Bob said, "Yep, he'* got burnt up purdy bad. Roll 'im over." So, the mortician rolled him over, and Jim-Bob looked at his butt and said, "Nope, dat ain't Bubba." The mortician didn't say anything, but thought that was a little bit strange.

Then, he brought in Billy-Joe to I.D. the body. Billy-Joe looked at him and said' "Yep, he'* burnt up sumpin' real bad. Roll 'im over." The mortician rolled him over, and Billy-Joe looked down at his butt and said, "Nuh-uh, 'at ain't Bubba. The mortician said, "How can you tell?"

Billy-Joe said, "Well, Bubba had two *** holes, ya know." "What? He had two *** holes? Impossible!" said the mortician. "Yep. Everyone in town knowed he had two *** holes, cause every time the three of us went to town, everyone would say, 'Here comes Bubba with them two *** holes.' "

LMAO!

Good one, Jim!

a woman goes to play a round of golf. she finishes the first hole and gets stung by a bee as she is walking to the next tee. she screams in pain and a course worker comes to see what is the matter. she says she was stung by a bee. he asks where she was stung. she says between the first and second hole. he says " maam , i believe your stance is way to wide ! " :o

I'll start off this week ---

You know you're old when The Missus says "Honey, let'* run up stairs and make love" and your response is "You know I can't do both..."

WHY MEN STARTED WEARING EARRINGS

A man noticed that his co-worker was wearing an earring.

This man knew his co-worker to be a normally conservative fellow, and is curious about his sudden change in "fashion sense."

"So," he says, "I didn't know you were into earrings."

"Don't make a big deal of it, it'* only an earring," the co-worker replies peevishly.

His friend falls silent for a few minutes, but then his curiosity prods him to say, "So, how long have you been wearing one?"

"Ever since my wife found it in my truck."