I love clever insults as well as the redneck jokes and loading old data from den computer onto laptop I found 5 pages of insults I used as a Taxi Dispatcher (one of many fulltime part time jobs I've had)....Here'* one;

After meeting you, I've decided I am in favour of abortion in cases of incestuous rape.

Your ancestors must number in the thousands. It'* really hard to understand how so many people can be to blame for producing something like you.

All that you are, you owe to your parents. Why don't you send them some used toilet-roll and get back in credit with them?

Your parents are siblings, right?

You should learn from your parents' mistakes - get sterilised now!

The inbreeding is certainly obvious in your family.

You were born because your mother didn't believe in abortion - and now she believes in infanticide.

It'* good to see you're here with your charming sister-cousin-mother-wife, Billy-Jo.

The terrifying power of the human sex drive is horrifically demonstrated by the fact that someone was willing to father you.

Hey, weren't you the poster child for birth control?

You were the answer to a prayer. Your parents prayed that the world would be made to suffer, and you came along.

I bet your mother'* barks is worse than her bite!

Tell me, did your parents have any children that lived?

Any similarity between you and a human is purely coincidental.

As an outsider, what do you think of the human race?

Ever since I saw you in your family tree, I've wanted to cut it down.

She'd steal the straw from her mother'* kennel.

Hi! I'm a human! What are you?

I heard you were born on a farm. Any more in the litter?

I heard somewhere that your brother was an only child. Now I see it'* true.

When you were born, God admitted that even He could make a dreadful mistake.

A sharp tongue does not mean that you have a sharp mind.

Are you always this stupid or are you making a special effort today?

Brains aren't everything, in fact in your case they're nothing.

Don't let your mind wander - it'* far too
little to be let out on its own.

He always finds himself lost in thought -
it'* an unfamiliar territory.

He doesn't know the meaning of the word 'fear'... but then again he doesn't know the meaning of most words.

I don't know what makes you so dumb, but it really works!

I don't think you are a fool. But what'* my opinion compared to that of thousands of others?

I know you are nobody'* fool, but maybe somebody will adopt you.

I would ask you how old you are, but I reckon you can't count that high.
I would have liked to insult you, but the sad truth is that you wouldn't understand me.

If what you don't know can't hurt you, she'* practically invulnerable.
If you were twice as smart as you are now, you'd still be absolutely stupid.

I'm glad to see you're not letting your education get in the way of your ignorance.

She has reached rock bottom and shows signs of starting to dig.

Sit down, give your mind a rest - it obviously needs it.

Some drink from the fountain of knowledge, but it looks like this guy just gargled.

This man is cruelly depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.

What he is lacking in intelligence, he more than makes up for in stupidity.

Whom am I calling 'stupid'? Good question. I don't know. What is your name?

Do you know what would make you look really good? DISTANCE!

You're a perfect example of what happens when the fetus doesn't get oxygen!

If your IQ ever reaches 10... sell!

You're what happens when cousins marry!

I have an idea! Why don't we push your face in some dough and make some idiot cookies!

What'* the matter with you? Did you wake up on the wrong side of the slab this morning?

Why don't you take a long walk off a short pier!

Did your parents have any kids that lived?

Is that your head or did your neck just throw up?

You're not the biggest idiot in the world but you better hope that he doesn't die!

Wait! Let me have my brains removed so we start on the same level!
(to an obnoxious child) Now I know why some animals eat their young!

People say that you are two faced but I disagree. If you had two faces why would you wear that one?

I'd like to run into you in a dark alley some day... While your running and I'm driving!

She has early American features... like a buffalo!

A billion sperm cells in one orgasm and yours had to be the one to make it through to the egg!

His teeth are so yellow, when he smiles traffic slows down!

It looks like someone poured you into your pants and you forgot to say when!

If you got a penny for your thoughts you would get change!

When your father was born they passed out cigars. When you were born they just passed out!

There'* a bus leaving in 10 minutes! Be under it!

If Moses had seen your face there would be another commandment!

You look like Pat Boon'* brother... Baboon!

You look like Tina Turner'* sister... Stomach Turner!

You look like Bob Hopes brother... No hope!
(to stupid person) You should sue your brains for non-support!

You fell out of the ugly tree... and hit every branch!

You're so ugly when you walk into a room the mice jump up on chairs!

You have very striking features. How many times have you been struck?

Why are you hassling me? I don't come to where you work and knock the hamburger from your hand!

You have more chins than a Chinese phone book!

The next time you throw out your old clothes... stay in them!

If you ever find yourself, you're going to be very disappointed!

If you were alive you would be a very sick man!

Is your family happy or do you go home at night?

Someday you will go far and hopefully you will stay there!

I'd hit you but I'm afraid I'd knock you conscious!

You look like a million bucks... after taxes!

He'* smarter than he looks but then again he would have to be!

People like you don't grow on trees. They swing from them!

Nice shirt! How long do you have to wear it until you win the bet?

If brains were dynamite you couldn't blow your nose!

You must think that everyone worships the ground you crawled out from!

Every time an ugly baby'* born you get a royalty!

You're so ugly the tide wouldn't even take you out!

I bet you have friends you haven't used yet!


They always came in handy humbling a wayward driver.