Okay, my job for tonight is to clear out the Spam e-mails, and I noticed a wierd pattern.
EIther every lonely wife or horny coed out there wants me, or I'm not big enough to satisfy them. C'mon Spammers! Make up your minds! You can't have both, now, can you?
To quote my friend Larry the Cable Guy (I'm pretty sure I edited this for public viewing)
had to do something to make my assignment for the night interesting
What the hell is this Russia!? Who the hell is the moron that keeps sending out the “How to get a large *****” e-mails on the damn computer. Is this “screw with Larry week?” Here I go on to read computer letters from good Americans from around the country and I got 85 letters and 83 of em is “big wiener” letters. Are there really that many losers out there that have such pathetic lives that they live to send out big wiener notes. If you’re sitting at home sending out big wiener letters you need to put the 9 millimeter to your head and squeeze on 3. Get a job at McDonalds or something damn! I like the wiener I got. Aint no pill gonna grow your pee pump. Tell ya sumbitches what, if I want a big pee hose I’ll tie a cement block to it and drop it on 3. I don’t need no computer geek pervert giving me skin flute advice. Send em to Rosie O’Donnell, I’m sure her German soldier could use a little extra umph! Here I am with a perfectly good trouser trout and these moron commie peter prophets gotta e-mail me like Jesus is coming back this weekend and only saving folks with 2ft. pee pumps! Like Rosie said getting a wiener letter, “This don’t work, I tried it”!