Certified Car Nut
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Robbinsdale, MN
Thanked 0 Times
I like you....
You know what, Bonneville Club, I LIKE YOU. You're not like the other
people, here, in the trailer park.
Oh, don't go get me wrong. They're fine people, they're
good Americans. But they're content to sit back, maybe
watch a little Mork and Mindy on channel 57, maybe kick
back a cool, Coors 16-ouncer. They're good, fine people,
Bonneville Club. But they don't know ... what the ricers are doing
to the soil!
You know that Johnny Worker kid, the kid that delivers papers
in the neighborhood. He'* a fine kid. Some of the neighbors
say he smokes crack, but I don't believe it.
Anyway, for his tenth birthday, all he wanted was a Burrow Owl.
Kept bugging his old man. "Dad, get me a burrow owl. I'll never
ask for anything else as long as I live." So the guy
breaks down and buys him a burrow owl.
Anyway, 10:30, the other night, I go out in my yard, and there'*
the Worker kid, looking up in the tree. I say, "What are
you looking for?" He says "I'm looking for my burrow owl."
I say, "Jumping Jesus on a Pogo Stick. Everybody knows
the burrow owl lives. In a hole. In the ground. Why the hell do you
think they call it a burrow owl, anyway?" Now Bonneville Club, do you
think a kid like that is going to know what the ricers are
doing to the soil?
I first became aware of this about ten years ago, the summer
my oldest boy, MOS Jr. died. You know that carnival comes into
town every year? Well this year they came through with a ride
called The Mixer. The man said, "Keep your head, and arms, inside
the Mixer at all times." But MOS Jr, he was a DAAAREDEVIL, just
like his old man. He was leaning out saying "Hey everybody,
Look at me! Look at me!" Pow! He was decapitated! They found
his head over by the snow cone concession.
A few days after that, I open up the mail. And there'* a pamphlet
in there. From Pueblo, Colorado, and it'* addressed to MOS Jr.
And it'* entitled, "Do you know what the ricers are doing to our
Now, Bonneville Club, if you look at the soil around any large US city where
there'* a large underground street tuner population. Des Moines, Iowa,
for example. Look at the soil around Des Moines, Bonneville Club.
You can't build on it; you can't grow anything in it. The government
says it'* due to poor farming. But I know what'* really going on,
Bonneville Club. I know it'* the ricers. They're in it with the aliens.
They're building landing strips for street racing Martians, I swear to
You know what, Bonneville Club, I like you. You're not like the other
people, here in this trailer park
1998 SE Midnight Blue Pearl
Gutted airbox, FRAM AirHog, removed MAF Screen, eBay clear corners, extended brake lights
I'm so much cooler online