let her go.

in my experience, women are very fickle and dont usually consider how anyone else would feel about something before they do it.

shes moved on and regardless of how close you were, she doesnt care to continue the relationship. later on she will remember you and wish she had made the time for you because you were nice - when its convenient for her.

life lesson number 2453: your feelings are never as important to anyone else as they are to you, or as their feelings are to you.

first off, did I mention this site is amazing? This is the first time Ive felt the need to make a post of this nature, but Ive seen many posts like this in my time here, and never once have you guys failed to step up. Stuff like this would be the laughingstock of other forums, but here its accepted, thats what makes this place so great.


1995BvSSE made a giant point in my book with the whole no time to call but being on myspace thing, I had noticed that myself, which is part of what made it so frustrating.

moderator Tracy made another excellent point by saying what Id already known, she basically was my gf, just without all the officialness. I thought of her somewhat in that manner, and treated her as such for the most part...but we actually did discuss the matter of taking it to the next level, many moons before she left for college, and we mutually agreed that it wasnt for the best, that although we loved each other very much we were just too different and all that, and looking back on that I know it was the right choice, because I really cant see myself with her now, at the time I could, but now I almost laugh at the thought of being with her. But what is true is that I love her so so much, you could almost say unconditionally, even though right now she is hurting me a little more each day, all it would take is one phone call, one apology, and I could probably forget the whole thing.

So its not that shes avoiding the whole take it too the next level thing, because weve already been down that road....I just wish I knew what she was avoiding?

I would agree with the fact that she was probably my first gf, whether it was official or not, but she had several bfs before I came along, but most of them werent that serious. So maybe I was? who knows.

Thanks for the advice Charlie, ill try and apply a little of it, I know theres good girls out there, Im friends with a couple, its just that they seem so hard to find, and it seems like that sometimes ppl just go crazy once they hit college. Its just that I cant walk more than 10 feet down the halls at school without hearing a conversation about the crazy party last night, or how drunk they got last night, or how theyre still hungover or something, those are the only conversations I ever hear, and I listen in on every conversation I walk past...so its hard to believe that youre not alone in being "different" when thats all you ever hear.

Buuut anyway, I left her a Facebook comment last night that said, and I quote:
"Hey, just one of those "thinking of you" comments. Don't really have much to say. I miss you, call me sometime or w/e."

I tried to make it seem like I wasnt really bothered at all, which is quite the lie, but who knows. No phone call yet, and not even a comment back, and thanks to that annoying news feed, I know she was on today...she must not have had time to comment...

So I think from now on, Im just going to leave it up to her, as much as that scares me to death, and believe me it does. Im going to do my best to just try and live my own life, which right now is difficult with this giant piece of it missing. Its like everytime I have a spare moment my mind wanders to this. It seems like every little thing reminds me of her too, so I cant really escape it.

But I cant really think of much more to say on this issue, I just want to thank you all again for your support, it means a lot to me, it really does, because I know that you folks mean what you say, and arent just typing to pass the time.

Hey this is gojo'* girlfriend, I just wanted to say that im glad to hear you are at least trying to make your own life. Which is a great thing believe it or not. I have been in your situation before and thought I would never get over this one guy. But what I did, and I don't know if it would work for you is, do anything and everything you can to keep busy. Join an extra activity, even though you commute from home to school, it will give you the opportunity to meet new friends that have the same intrests as you and meet new people and not everyone gets drunk all the time or party all the time. Look for a church going group or something similar to it. I don't know her, but I do know that it is hard to grow up and change. I went to college with my best friend. We had some classes together and so on. And were basically roommates. But on into the year we grew apart because from different classes we made different friends, had different things to do with different groups and so on. I honestly don't regret it but I am sad that it ended the way it did. We hardly ever talk . I maybe hear from her once a month if even that. Question. Are you from a small town? Me and my bf are both from small towns. I am originally from Texas and pretty much lived there my whole life.( 21 years). For me thats to long. But for some people they love it. Don't get me wrong I love small towns, but it also has its down falls like not enough job opportunites, not being able to see much of any place else and things like that, It took me moving about 3 states from home and I was scared to death. I now live in Wyoming and I can't say I regret it. I have lost touch with all of my friends and am having a lot of trouble making new friends. And it '* really hard tring to start a new life from which you are accustomed to. But everything and everyone changes and not always for the best but not always for the worst. I have read everyones advice on here to you and mines not really much different. But I know we all have one thing in common and that is watching out for eachother and helping eachother when someone is down, That is a start for you in making new friends. I havent really talked to anyone on here but I hear awesome things from my boyfriend about everyone. Everyone seems really nice. But I am kinda getting off subject. If there is a song or something you see, hear, smell or something like it that reminds you of her that shouldnt be a bad thing. You could take it in your mind as .," Wow those were great days but its time I moved on but not forget about the good times we had." It will only hurt you worse if you hold on to the past, and try living in the present all at the same time. Its not going to be her hurting you but you hurting yourself by trying to do that. Your not being fair to yourself. You need to look out for you and do what makes you happy. From the sounds of it she did make you happy and thats a great thing. But shes not the only person out there. God has a plan for your life and if you look to him for the answers through prayer and the support of others you will find out what it is. As William Shakespeare said, "It'* not in the stars to hold our destiny but in ourselves." I have lived by that quote for a couple of years now and it honestly has helped me out. Meaning you create your own luck, you make your own future, and all with the help of family, friends, and most importantly God. Im not trying to get all religious on you or anthing but from my personal expierences, For about 3 years I stoped praying bellieving in God and stoped going to church and my life was a living hell. But once I got back into church and believing and praying again, my life got better little by little. You just have to believe and have Faith in God and in yourself. All things are possible through Jesus christ. That is in philipians in the bible i dont remember the chapter or anything but I do remmember the saying .Also you don't want to keep thinking "WHAT IF" for the rest of your life. LIke what if I had just met someone else would I have been happy, what if I keep holding on to the past, what will happen with that? What if this.. what if that.. Trust me its not the best feeling in the world. And you don't want to feel that way all the time. But anyways your probably thingking wow this chick is crazy and all lol but I hope I have helped in some way or another. And I wish you the best of luck in all you do and I will be praying for you that everything will work out for the best even though you may not think it is for the best at the moment.

Alicia

Well thanks again, you brought up another point id fail to mention. We are actually both from small towns, mine is a bit smaller, but in either one traffic could be held up by a guy on a tractor or lawn mower....or perhaps livestock of some sort. I think the difference is that Ive always been pretty happy living the small town life, I mean ive always liked going to the bigger cities, but ive always known id never really be happy there. Shes always been kinda the opposite, she loved the small town life too, but at the same time she has always had these big dreams of moving to Chicago and working there and things like that, shes the classic small-town girl with big dreams stereotype....which right now she seems (from what I read) to be really happy, and so far living out her dream....so I think the reason shes acting the way she is right now, is essentially the same reason we never got together, and thats the simple fact that I dont fit into her dreams.

and dont feel worried at all telling by about God, thats really who I should be looking to in this whole situation, but as usual im trying to figure everything out on my own. But God has always been a part of my life, why did you think i was "different"? just for kicks? haha. But i think that more than anything is what I need to be focusing on right now.

Im also about the biggest "what-if" er that ever existed...I think so anyway, what if Im not? But im horrible about that, thats what really makes it horrible.

Thats really another thing thats making life difficult for me right now, because there isnt a single one of those categories that doesnt have at least one thing that reminds me of her, some of them have a lot, and happen frequently, which makes it really hard when youre trying not to think about someone.

Thanks again
Zach

Time...it gets better in time. One day you'll wake up and realize "Oh wow! I haven't thought about her for a whole week!" But it takes time...

I'm going to suggest something ... write a letter. Pour out all your feelings on paper... just let your thoughts go from one thing to another without worrying about what it sounds like. This letter is (initially) for you... after you write it, put it away for a day... then go back and re-read it. It may sound corny, but it will help give you a feeling of closure that you need in order to move on. You may chose to send it to her, or you may chose to re-write it and send only parts of it to her, or you may decide to not send it all. But the key is to to get out all your feelings... try it, it can't hurt.

*gasp* a little action in the Facebook realm!

Ellie (Manhattan Christian) wrote
at 3:39pm
i miss you to..bunches!!
love you!



hmm....dont really know what to do now, here I was all mad and whatnot.

that message doesnt invalidate your anger.

the reasons you were angry are still there.

Duh... you're "hey, I don't have much to say other than call me sometime" comment to her was non-threatening & non-committal. You made it safe for her to reply. jwakamud is correct - the situation has not changed at all... you only feel better because she actually replied.

do you know if she happened to get a new man in her life that would totally shut out all other male contacts? i know of guys that delete other guys out their girlfriends phone so they lose contact, and sit there everytime time they are online to keep tabs on them

Thats what I was thinking when I posted a day or so ago. It happens. My friends got pissed at me when I was with my first GF. All I ever wanted to do was spend time with her than my friends. I lost contact and never spoke or heard from them again.