I guess you could say I need some advice(kinda long and emo) - Page 2 - GM Forum - Buick, Cadillac, Chev, Olds, GMC & Pontiac chat
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Old 09-23-2006, 09:32 AM   #11
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IMO I wouldnt take anything personal right now. Its only been a couple of months and she is probably still settling into her College life. If you notice shes spending time on Myspace but not answering your calls, maybe toss something on there to say a quick hello, call me sometime, I miss talking to you kinda thing.

Did she have a Boyfriend at all througout your friendship? If not, you both were pretty much there for one another through thick and thin, but now that shes at College, she may have a boyfriend that she views as that person to go to now.

I know this is a tough time to cope with as she was there for you and you shared allot of special moments, but it may be time to be there for yourself and let things take its course.

By no means give up and toss what you had with her out the window, just let the space between you both settle. Im sure you will be talking again with her, even though it may not be as often as you like.

Hang in there, you know everyone on BC is here for ya!!
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Old 09-23-2006, 10:10 AM   #12
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I feel ya bud. I had a special friend that I met at work, of all places, back in the day. We went to different schools, but during the summer months we has so much fun after work (This was Opryland in Nashville, where alot of the Nashville teens worked), and often hung out outside of work. Then along came college...first it was me going to TTU, then the next year, she graduated and went to CBU in Memphis. We kept in touch quite a bit, and actually helped me out through bootcamp (at that time, she was very close to me, litterally, as I kept her picture tucked inside my sock nearly every day...sounds gross, but when you go to bc, you tend to look to the little things to give you strength), and I was actually able to visit her one last time before I was sent off to Guam. Even during that time, we kept in touch via emails. Then one day, it all stopped. I later found she married an Air Force guy, and I believe to this day they are still married, and I think living in Texas somewhere.

Not a day goes by that I don't think of her and how much she really meant to me. And it'* funny...I feel the same way now as I did then, every time I hear some song back from the mid to late 90'* I think of her, and I wish I could make contact again, just to say hello. I guess the moral here is to not lose that contact with her....regardless of what you or her go through as far as changes are concerned, those special friendships and feelings are rare to comeby nowadays. The internet has come a long way since my little fiasco, so keeping in contact should be much easier to do, especially with myspace and such.

Good luck no matter what happens.
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Old 09-23-2006, 10:23 AM   #13
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I caught a glimpse of this topic before I went to bed and figured I'd throw my .02 in this morning.

But,it looks like everyone pretty much has this one covered
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Old 09-23-2006, 10:49 AM   #14
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I know there has been many replys, but I'd like to put in my opinion. I'm a little sick, so if my words are jumbled or don't come out right, please excuse it. So, you might say I'm not qualified as an "expert" per se on this subject, being that I've only been in college for about a month, but during that month, I've learned oh-so-much. I came from a simple, Christian family. I lived in a place where half the school didn't drink, smoke or anything else wrong. I was in that group. Now I'm in college, and my life was flipped, turned upside down. Let me tell you, and I know this was mentioned multiple times, but it cannot be stressed enough, people evolve, particularly in college. I've moved on, sadly, and you might need to move on, to. College is so awesome; you get to start over, no one knows you. Get out there and make some friends, it might be hard, but just think, she'* doing the same thing. She KNOWS that she'* in college. This is probably hard to take in, I know, but it'll make your college experience a lot better. And it'* not like you'll never see her again, if you want to see her, and you've given her some room, you'll see her again, probably during a break or something.
Go out, join some clubs, go to some parties, don't get too drunk, and have fun. Everyone tells me that these are the best years of your life, and I 100% agree.
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Old 09-23-2006, 12:35 PM   #15
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One of the worst things you can do for yourself in college is sit on the computer all day. I tell everyone i know who'* starting out, go out, do the on campus activities, go play with your floor outside, etc. She'* moved to another place for atleast 4 years, she can't spend it online talking to you.

The best thing i could say is enjoy what you had, and hopefully you guys can find time together over winter break, or one of you could visit the other.

Take a weekend off and have a road trip to see her?
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Old 09-23-2006, 12:54 PM   #16
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well I just woke up, and I do feel better this morning, I knew I would, but at the same time I still dont feel all that great.

Thanks for all the replies, if nothing else it just helps me to know that Im not the only one to have gone through this.

Just to answer a few things in no particular order here:

No she never had a serious bf, and I never had a gf, its not a big secret that we kinda filled that role for each other, except without all the physical stuff, we cuddled a couple times but thats about it, hah. She still doesnt have a bf either, and go figure, I dont have a gf. To me its a little sad I'm 19 and never had a gf, but Im really picky about that, and Im not really the type of guy that girls are really digging right now, especially in college. I dont drink, go clubbing, party, or basically anything that the typical college age student might do, therefore Im not all that appealing to most girls.

I dont think ill ever lose the memories of us together, I dont want too, theyre some of the best memories I have in my entire life, its just that right now all they do is upset me.

I also should have mentioned that Im not a typcial college student in that Im a commuter student, I live about an hour and a half away from where I go to school, so I dont live on campus, or really anywhere remotely near campus. Most of the friends I had here all either slowly disappeared, or moved elsewhere, so when Im home there isnt much to do besides sit on the computer, or work on the car, or something of that nature.

I might try and save up some money and go visit her at some point Im not sure, we'll just have to see how it goes.

Its also weird now that I think about it, that Im this bad off after just a couple of months, when one friend Im currently hanging out with didnt speak to me most of my senior year in high school, and another we didnt talk all summer because we were mad at each other, then I saw her the first day of school and it was like nothing was wrong.

Its just difficult for me to make friends, once you get to know me Im incredibly outgoing, but for some reason im extremely shy initially, I dont know what to attribute it too, so when I get friends, especially good ones like that its hard to let go. But, if thats what it takes I guess....she was also extra special in that we were even friends with each others family, id never had that before....like when I would go over to her house, I would talk to her parents just like they were my friends, and I enjoyed spending time with them almost as much as her, notice in an earlier post I mentioned calling her mom. I dont want to lose touch with them either, in fact I was just thinking about calling her mom again the other day....which actually is kinda two-sided, because I know she still talks to her mom...at least I hope so, I dunno though, the last time I called her mom after shed been gone a month, her mom was in the same boat I was. But when she does talk to her mom, she tends to kinda motivate her to contact me, I dont want her calling me because her mommy said too though, but it might be better than nothing!

Anyway thats all I can think of to say right now, shes online right now, and on myspace, but she didnt choose to strike up a conversation. Maybe ill leave her a comment or something.

Thanks again guys and gals, if nothing else it helps knowing Im not alone.

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Old 09-23-2006, 08:56 PM   #17
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Let'* go down the checklist here

Originally Posted by petraman
people evolve, particularly in college

Originally Posted by BonneMeMN
One of the worst things you can do for yourself in college is sit on the computer all day.

And now for my own two cents...

NO ONE is too busy that they can't pick up the phone and call. You can play private investigator but you are just going to get frustrated based on what you find (case in point: no time to call but being on MySpace)

So, what has happened is that she met someone and has probably moved on, well at least for now.

Sure you can save money and go and see her, but you'll probably just regret it.

Being on campus versus not being on campus are two truly different experiences. So right there you will have different perspective on things. You haven't hit that point in your life where you have all of the individual freedom like those folks that aren't living at home. I think that is what causes the biggest change for people in college. I'm not saying it'* a bad thing, your day will come and you will have definitely have more resources (i.e. less debt) at your disposal when it does.
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Old 09-23-2006, 09:06 PM   #18
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Originally Posted by LittleHoov
To me its a little sad I'm 19 and never had a gf, but Im really picky about that, and Im not really the type of guy that girls are really digging right now, especially in college. I dont drink, go clubbing, party, or basically anything that the typical college age student might do, therefore Im not all that appealing to most girls.
Don't sell yourself short. There are a lot of girls out there that aren't into that scene either and are trying to find a decent guy that won't jack them around. Don't apologize for the person you are. There is a perfect match for you out there and you just have to wait until you meet her. It will happen when you least expect it, don't go looking for it and it will find you.
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Old 09-23-2006, 10:24 PM   #19
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Believe it or not, she WAS your girlfriend and you are in love with her. While you may not have done much physically other than cuddle, you've described a closeness that only true gf/bf '* experience. You are actually one of the lucky ones...some people go a long time in their life never to experience such things.

I don't believe that she was pretending or faking her friendship... I do believe that she has moved on before you... and since you weren't "officially" bf/gf, there was no "breakup" so to speak.

What you're feeling is two things - grieving over a lost love and feeling that there was no closure on your relationship. Yes, you want it to continue, and even though you know deep down that things will never be the same, it doesn't stop you from wishing you could change things. It'* my guess that if given the opportunity, you would have tried to move the relationship onto the next level. Instead, just the opposite has happened.

You, my dear friend, are experiencing a "growing up" experience. Yea, it hurts like hell and yea, you'll fight it as long as you can...but the sad reality is that you can't turn back time nor turn people back to who/what they used to be.

My bet is that she knows you have a stronger need for the relationship, and she'* avoiding you because she doesn't want to hurt you. But you do need to have closure, whether you write out your feelings in a letter, or simply leave her a voice mail saying, " I know we can't be the friends we used to, but I just needed to talk to you one last time." or something like that. Chances are, when she knows it is "safe" to call you, she will. Right now she'* avoiding the inevitable....why? Because she did care about you strongly at one point and still does....only differently now.

I always say that we can't force life to be what we want it to be - much easier to say than do, trust me. I don't listen to myself at times. It'* hard to accept some things in life when they are not what you want them to be. <>
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Old 09-24-2006, 12:24 AM   #20
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Default Bless all first girlfriends

You've heard all the good words above and The Lady in Maple Red gave you the real deal from the woman'* perspective. I'm just here for a quick cheesteak and a beer. Sit down for a minute.

Your girlfriend (and she was, you DID have a real girlfriend) is in one of the biggest windstorms of experience in her life. New school, new people and so much new going on. Don't think for a second that you could compete with that. Nobody, NOBODY can. There should be something on the bottom of high school diplomas that tells graduates that they will go off in different directions, and relationships will be heavily impacted.

You do need closure on the chapter "My First Girlfriend". Time to put it down. Do whatever you have to do, but know you have to move on with your life. The reason we fall down is so we learn to pick ourselves up. Cherish the time you had with her. If you want to..., tell her she was your first gf (btw, you will always have been HER first bf) but you know she has to move on. Tell her you couldn't have picked a better first go-around. But you must close this for now.

Now for the shyness and not doing "normal" things that everybody else does. Easy one first. About 20% of people do the "usual" stuff. That leaves 80% of people thinking they are odd. Did you catch that? 3 out of 4 people your age, think they aren't "in". The reason for that is there is no "normal". That'* just in movies and TV. You need to consciously chose to do it. To meet people and always value friendships. There are groups, activities, volunteer groups, book clubs, church groups..... dozens all around you. Pick something you like. Meet people with a common base with you. Then you build on that with the ones you like.

Shyness is all about not knowing what to say. But, hold on a second.... you already know what to say. You have been doing it for months, maybe years. It'* the stuff you spent hours talking about with your girlfriend.

See lad, that'* what first girlfriends are for. They teach you that you are fine, and that they think about the same stuff you do. That'* why they are such a blessing.

I gotta go. I know that was more than a minute, but it was a big cheesesteak.

Good on kid, your first chapter is done. Now go write the rest of that book.

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