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Old 06-10-2006, 01:47 PM   #1
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Default hrmmmm.... hadnt done this in a while

decided to shovel out my yahoo mail. dont think i have checked it in months. in the wreckage, i found this, so enjoy.

1. Only in America......can a pizza get to your house
>faster than an ambulance.
>2. Only in America......are there handicap parking
>places in front of a skating rink.
>3. Only in drugstores make the sick
>walk all the way to the back of the store to get their
>prescriptions while
>healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.
>4. Only in people order double
>cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke.
>5. Only in banks leave both doors open
>and then chain the pens to the counters.
>6. Only in we leave cars worth
>thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our
>useless junk in the garage.
>7. Only in we use answering machines
>to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't
>miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in
>the first place.
>8. Only in we buy hot dogs in packages
>of ten and buns in packages of eight.
>9. Only in we use the word 'politics'
>to describe the process so well: 'Poli' in Latin
>meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking
>10. Only in they have drive-up ATM
>machines with Braille lettering.
>Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?
>Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth
>Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins
>Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?
>Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?
>Why is it that to stop Windows, you have to click on
>Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and
>dishwashing liquid is made with real lemons?
>Why is the man who invests all your money called a
>Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called
>rush hour?
>Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
>When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests
>Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
>Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal
>You know that indestructible black box that is used on
>Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?
>Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
>Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck
>If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the
>opposite of
>If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the
>On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular
>(and that would be how??...)
>On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion:
>(but, it'* "just" a suggestion.)
>On Tesco'* Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do
>not turn upside down."
>(well...duh, a bit late, huh!)
>On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot
>(...and you thought????...)
>On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes
>(but wouldn't this save me more time?)
>On Boot'* Children Cough Medicine:"Do not drive a car
>operate machinery after taking this medication."
>(We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction
>accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with
>head-colds off those forklifts.)
>On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness."
>(and... I'm taking this because???....)
>On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or
>outdoor use
>(as opposed to...what?)
>On Sunsbury'* peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts."
>(talk about a news flash)
>On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions:
>Open packet, eat nuts."
>(Step 3: maybe, Delta?)
>On a Swedish chainsaw:"Do not attempt to stop chain
>with your
>hands or genitals."
>(..was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)
>Now that you've smiled at least once, it'* your turn
>to repost this message for others to

of all the the 1000+ messages, this was the only good one
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Old 06-10-2006, 07:47 PM   #2
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sqela is on a distinguished road

how about

"why does the founder of bonneville club drive a BMW???"

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