How to wake a Moderator in 10 easy steps.
1. Get stuffed animal (seal) from kid'* room.
2. Use toy to play with dog.
3. After getting dog interested, let him play with it while filling coffee cup.
4. Check toy for dampness.
5. Repeat step 2.
6. Re-check toy for dampness. If acceptable, continue with step 7.
7. Remove toy from dog'* mouth (can be difficult).
8. Toss slobbered toy across living room so it lands on Moderator'* face where he/she is sleeping on the couch.
9. Pray dog doesn't fetch toy before Moderator wakes.
10. Insert earplugs before string of profanities emanates from couch.