A minister decided that a visual demonstration would add emphasis to his
Sunday sermon. Four worms were placed into separate cans. The first was put into a container of alcohol; the second into a container of cigarette smoke; the third into a container of chocolate syrup, and the fourth into a container of clean soil. At the conclusion of the sermon, the Minister reported the following
results:

The first worm in alcohol -- dead.

The second worm in cigarette smoke -- dead.

Third worm in chocolate syrup -- dead.

Fourth worm in good clean soil -- alive.

He asked the congregation, "What can you learn from this
demonstration?"

A elderly woman in the back quickly raised her hand, and said,
"So long as you drink, smoke, and, eat chocolate, you won't get worms!"

Don't you just love little old ladies????

ahaha. How about this one:

A minister was at the church preparing three couples to join the church; one was a retired couple, the next was a middle aged couple; and the last were newlyweds. He told them that one of the prerequisites for joining was that they had to abstain from sex for three weeks.

After the three weeks was up, the group met and the minister asked each couple how they did on their sex assignment. He first asked the retired couple if they succeeded.

The husband responded "Yes sir, no problem, we didn't have sex the entire time."

Next he asked the middle aged couple. Again, the husband responded "Well the first week was fine. But then it got tough after that. I ended up having to sleep on the couch the rest of the two weeks."

The minister finally got to the young couple, and again the husband replied "We didn't make it sir. After three days my wife bent over to pick up a can of corn and I had to take her right there."

The minister replied "Well, you know this means you cannot join the church then right?"

The husband responded "Yes, and we are no longer welcome at the supermarket either...."