YOU MAY BE A REDNECK IF:
You think the play the King and I is about Elvis.
You have ever put catsup on Chinese food.
You ever listed Fuzzy Dice on an insurance claim.
Your most expensive work of art is held up with thumbtacks.
You've ever worn Camouflage pants to Church.
Your local funeral home is also a U-Haul franchise.
TIPS FOR YOUR BOSSES:
1. Never give me work in the morning. Always wait until 4:00 pm and then bring it to me. The challenge of a deadline is refreshing.
2. If it'* really a "rush job" run in and interupt me every 10 minutes to inquire how it'* going. That helps. Or even better, hover behind me, advising me at every keystroke.
3. Always leave without telling anyone where you're going. It gives me a chance to be creative when someone asks where you are.
4. Wait until my yearly review and THEN tell me what my goals SHOULD have been. Give me a mediocre performance rating with a cost of living increase. I'm not here for the money anyway.
5. If you give me more than one job to do, don't tell me which is the priority. I like being a psychic.
6. Do you best to keep me late. I adore this office and really have nowhere to go or anything to do. I have no life beyond work.
7. If a job I do pleases you, keep it a secret. If that gets out, it could mean a promotion.
8. If you don't like my work, tell everyone. I like my name to be popular in conversations. I was born to be whipped.
9. If you have special instructions for a job, don't write them down. In fact, save them until the job is almost done. No use confusing me with useful information.
10. Never introduce me to the people you're with. I have no right to know anything. In the corporate food chain, I am plankton. When you refer to them later, my shrewd deductions will identify them.
11. Tell me all your little problems. No one else has any and it'* nice to know someone is less fortunate. I especially like the story about having to pay so much taxes on the bonus check you received for being such a good manager.
There was a man who said, " I never knew what real happiness was until I got married; and then it was too late."
A mother was reading a book about animals to her 3 year old daughter; Mother: "What does the cow say?"
Mother: "Great, What does the cat say?"
Mother: "Oh, you're so smart! What does the frog say?"
Dark Teal Metallic (CAI, 180* T-Stat, Dual Climate Control, Tinted Windows, Silver Grill Inserts, Headlight Blackouts)
Also have: 1992 SSEi(CAI, Xenon Glow Headlights, Cyberwhite Navigator Fogs)
Originally Posted by BillBoost37
Stop starin at my thingy!