With the advent of Pirates of the Carribean becoming a trilogy, I began thinking about past cinematic threesomes.
Obviously, Star Wars
, The Godfather
, and The Lord of the Rings
are so well known that any discussion of them would be redundant. Instead, we will look at some less discussed trilogies.
: while these films are admittedly very famous, it is worth remarking that this is the greatest trilogy ever. Screw Star Wars
, Henry Jones Jr. has them all beat. Raiders
is a classic. The Last Crusade
is just brilliant. Temple of Doom
is woefully overlooked. I leave you with this thought: "No time for love, Doctor Jones." Priceless!
: These films are straight up pieces of crap. The original television series was about a team of secret agents. The film series is about one dude. It is basically a crappy American version of James Bond. And Tom Cruise plays the American Bond...which is even crappier.
: The first one made you laugh. The second made you remember that you had already seen this movie, but this version had Heather Graham so you went with it anyway. The third film came back and redeemed the franchise. But seriously, it'* over. Stop doing Austin Power'* impressions.
Back To The Future
: Frankly, some films are so great that expanding them into a trilogy only dilutes the original film and destroys its legacy. See The Matrix
for example. BTTF
is in the same boat. While the second film didn't suck as bad as either of the Matrix
sequels (which sucked to such a degree that if I ever meet one of the Wachowski brothers I fully intend to punch him in the nuts), the third film was just a travesty. Marty McFly in the old west. Does that sentence seem funny? No? Well...neither was the movie.
: Second only to Indiana Jones
as the greatest trilogy ever. It amazes me to this day that while the internet is inundated with "facts" about Chuck Norris, Vin Diesel, and Jack Bauer...nobody has ever thought to list the many ways that Ash kicks ***. For the record, Ash would dominate your precious Chuck Norris.
: Did you know they made three of these? Me neither. Do you care? Me neither.
Actually, on the topic of crappy films with crappier sequels, did you know they made five Air Bud films?
Five. I kid you not.
Air Bud: Golden Receiver
Air Bud: World Pup
Air Bud: Seventh Inning Fetch
Air Bud: Spikes Back
Now granted, those last three were straight-to-video features...but still. How the heck do you eeke five films out of a dog who plays sports. Heck, that concept is too freaking stupid for even one film. But five?
Remember Dracula 2000
? It was a goofy Dracula update with the slightly redeeming feature of having a really intersting take on the origin of Dracula.
While the Dracula'* origin in the film was kind of nifty, I wouldn't say the film warrented two sequels. Especially with no actors from the first film returning for the sequels.
Dracula II: Ascension
Dracula III: Legacy
These two films were also direct to video like the excellent Air Bud sequels. Of course, with the Air Bud series there were many different dogs playing the main role. Apparently, it only takes two guys to play Dracula in a unnecessary series.
How about Timecop
? That was a pretty crappy Van Damme film with a slightly interesting premise which was completely blown to crap by the fact that it was a Van Damme film.
Sure...why not make a sequel to that one, too?
Timecop: The Berlin Decision
(2003). I'm not kidding. Of course, no Van Damme this time. Instead, we have Jason Scott Lee. He also appeared in the latter two Dracula films. Apparently, after having played Bruce Lee he decided to segue into a career of silly sequels to already crappy movies. Well played, Mr. Lee!
Smokey and the Bandit
: Burt Reynolds + fast cars = awesome.
: Burt Reynolds + fast cars + Dean Martin + hot chicks = even more awesome.
The Mighty Ducks
: This awesome series was...um...OK...just checking to see if you were still paying attention. These movies suck.