1. Only drunk dial when you are drunk. Everything else is false
2. It is okay to call someone 27 times in one night. If you don't
remember it, it didn't happen.
3. If you are going to drunk dial a family member, say something nice. Like... "Mom I'm in Taco Bell and they're playing our song. I love you"...I bet you could go for a stuffed Chalupa.....
4. Dirty talk while drunk dialing is always preferred. Who doesn't want to hear your best raspy, phone sex voice at 3 A.M.
5. Voicemails are always better. This way your friend can let their
friends have fun at your expense for days, even weeks to come.
6. Drunk texting is alright... If you are prepared to read what you
wrote the next day when you are sober. Although it'* apt to look something like this " hey! klma ove aldj trees!!"
7. It is definitely a good idea to call all of your exes and remind
them that you were the best lover they've ever had and everything they know, they learned from you. This way you can sleep well at night.
8. If you are a frequent dialer, never get mad if someone dials you. Be happy they thought of you in this special time.
9. It is always a good idea to sing on someone'* answering machine or voicemail. Such as Muskrat Love...or the can't go wrong love ballad of all time..."Me so horny"...
10. Drunk dialing should be fun and light hearted or dirty and sex
crazed... Never angry.
11. Most likely you will never drunk dial your best friends. They are usually the ones taking your phone away and reminding you that "you have a problem"...
12. If you deleted a number sober, it was probably for a good reason. Do not
try to retrieve this number. Nothing good can come from it.
13. Always call someone you know. Finding random numbers in phone books is bad and usually leads to angry dialing.
14. If your cell phone dies, remember everything happens for a reason. Never borrow a friend'* phone to do your dialing... better yet, do it from your hotel room...."who the hell called me from the Notell Motel in Boise?" Best part... they can't trace it back to your room, just the lobby and those guys need to earn their 6.25 an hour... so technically, you're doing them a favor.
15. Drunk dialing to foreign country is usually too costly to be a good idea. But if you feel like if you don't call this person you'll just die, break rule 14 and use a friend'* phone. Besides, it may be 4 am where you live, but people are just getting out of work in Australia.
16. Drunk dialing may lead to drunk muffin stuffing.... Be prepared.
17. When dialing remember that "hanging out" at 3 A.M. usually doesn't involve cards it'* probably going to be more like cheap lube and handcuffs. So be prepared when you really do want to play X-box when your drunk..... "you want me to do what with your box? Play with it?"
18. Don't drunk dial in the pool, tub, or rainstorm. It only ends up
with you blow drying your phone when your far too drunk to be using electronics and you wont be able to drunk dial anymore that night.
19. Never, I repeat, never drunk dial your boss, preacher, or friend'* parents. If you are that hard up to call someone... the people at the Taco Bell hotline are very attentive, this number can be found at any drive thru window and they will ALWAYS give you free food, just to get your silly drunk *** off the phone....