Do'* and Donts of Living Alone (language warning)
These are the Do'* and Don'ts of living on your own:
DO refrigerate your bread. I have no idea how my mom got away with it all these years, but you'll be surprised how quickly white bread turns into blue bread and then cancer bread.
DON'T forget to buy toilet paper. Hell hath no fury like wiping your *** with that cardboard cylinder. Its like getting assraped, by packaging. Only more special.
DO clean your sheets. At home they get cleaned. Alone they get dusty, sticky, greener and mushy. And I'm not talking about the oatmeal you left in the bathtub. Though that'* gross too.
DON'T Spell Check. I realize this sentence has no spelling errors in it, but that'* because I'm funnier than that.
DO find another source of breast milk. Mommy may be miles away but that doesn't mean basic female antibodies are. Some other sources include: Surgeon Generals, Postal Workers, Minesweepers, Solitaire Players, and even MS-Paint Users. In other news, I own a Macintosh.
DON'T lose yourself in VH1. They've got specials on everything that fascinates you. What happened in 1973? Why is he called "Boy George"? Where does Blood come from? The answer to all three is, "Never do your homework again and buy products from our sponsors, contributing to this vicious cycle of slothful deproductivity." Daddy aint home to guilt you into reading no more.
DO remember to purchase another chapstick. You think you've bought enough? You think you're never gonna lose this many tubes? Well guess what, odds are they're already gone. Oh, and remember that place grandma always walked you to, where you got your favoritest pancakes in the whole wide world? They tore it down last year, we just haven't had the heart to tell you.
DON'T covet your neighbors wife.
DON'T You. Forget about me.
as found on collegehumor.com
go FAST - 1999 Kawasaki Green Ninja ZX6R (G Variant) - Yoshimura RS3, Harris grips, spike bar ends BALD tires
go SLOWER - 2006 Ford Focus (FoFo) - Eclipse CD7000 HU, Memphis MOJO 15", USamps 2000x, Memphis 16v line driver, Polk DB570'* PPI 4420 amp