Seven ways to improve the Winter Olympics
02-24-2006, 11:35 AM
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Seven ways to improve the Winter Olympics
Additions I would like:
1. Bull-fighting on ice: I've never been to a bull fight, but it seems like things are pretty slanted in the bull-fighter'* favor. Plus, the matadors always seem so cocky prancing around with mud and dust to rest their feet upon. Well, ice seems like it would even the playing field and make the outcomes much less predictable.
2. Team snowball fight: I'm not that excited about the World Baseball Classic, but who wouldn't be excited about watching these same baseball teams engage in a huge snowball fight? If you get hit, you're out. Can you imagine what it would feel like to take a snowball in the face from Randy Johnson?
3. Morgan Freeman as the announcer for every event: For example: "And entering the ice rink (pause) the woebegone beast of burden known as Samson (pause). Set to engage in an eternal contest (pause) pitting man against his own fickle and star-befallen footing (pause). Oh what magic (pause) the earth hath wrought." The downside to this is that Congress might have to examine all sorts of anti-trust issues once NBC owned every dollar in America.
4. Obscene snowman building contest: This would have to be on television after 10 p.m. And Jenna Jameson would have to represent America every four years.
5. People who have never skied before: In order to avoid deaths, this would probably need to be limited to bunny slopes. You'd have to pretty much be an idiot to kill yourself on the bunny slope. Trust me, I know.
6. Snow angel contests with the contestants only allowed to wear one article of clothing: This is pretty self-explanatory. Personally, I think you have to go with the pants, although that might necessitate this competition also only being shown after 10 p.m.
7. People racing penguins on the luge: Before I walked out of March of the Penguins, there were all sorts of shots of penguins sliding down snowy hillsides. This got me wondering: Would a person or penguin win if they raced on the luge? I can see arguments either way. My feeling is the penguins would win, but surprisingly, I don't have any scientific basis for this opinion. My wife is more logical about this debate, "You have to go with people," she said. "How would you get the penguins to luge?"
1. Bull-fighting on ice: I've never been to a bull fight, but it seems like things are pretty slanted in the bull-fighter'* favor. Plus, the matadors always seem so cocky prancing around with mud and dust to rest their feet upon. Well, ice seems like it would even the playing field and make the outcomes much less predictable.
2. Team snowball fight: I'm not that excited about the World Baseball Classic, but who wouldn't be excited about watching these same baseball teams engage in a huge snowball fight? If you get hit, you're out. Can you imagine what it would feel like to take a snowball in the face from Randy Johnson?
3. Morgan Freeman as the announcer for every event: For example: "And entering the ice rink (pause) the woebegone beast of burden known as Samson (pause). Set to engage in an eternal contest (pause) pitting man against his own fickle and star-befallen footing (pause). Oh what magic (pause) the earth hath wrought." The downside to this is that Congress might have to examine all sorts of anti-trust issues once NBC owned every dollar in America.
4. Obscene snowman building contest: This would have to be on television after 10 p.m. And Jenna Jameson would have to represent America every four years.
5. People who have never skied before: In order to avoid deaths, this would probably need to be limited to bunny slopes. You'd have to pretty much be an idiot to kill yourself on the bunny slope. Trust me, I know.
6. Snow angel contests with the contestants only allowed to wear one article of clothing: This is pretty self-explanatory. Personally, I think you have to go with the pants, although that might necessitate this competition also only being shown after 10 p.m.
7. People racing penguins on the luge: Before I walked out of March of the Penguins, there were all sorts of shots of penguins sliding down snowy hillsides. This got me wondering: Would a person or penguin win if they raced on the luge? I can see arguments either way. My feeling is the penguins would win, but surprisingly, I don't have any scientific basis for this opinion. My wife is more logical about this debate, "You have to go with people," she said. "How would you get the penguins to luge?"
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