Some of you have asked me about my famous Holiday Cookies. Here is my
recipe. Enjoy making them as much as I do!
* 1 bottle Absolut Vodka if for a Christmas party; 1 bottle of dark
Bacardi Puerto Rican Rum if for an Epiphany Party
* 1 cup water
* 1 tsp. baking soda
* 1 cup butter
* 1 cup sugar
* 1 tsp. Salt
* 1 cup brown sugar
* lemon juice
* 4 large eggs
* 1 cup nuts
* 2 cups dried fruit
* Sample the Absolut to ensure quality.
* Find a large bowl. Wash it. Dry it. Set it aside.
* To make sure the Absolut is of the highest quality by pouring 1
level cup and drinking it.
* Find an electric mixer. Connect it. Turn it on.
* Add butter to the washed/dried bowl. Beat butter to a fluff with
the electric mixer.
* At this point, it'* best to make sure the Absolut is still OK, so
try another cup, just in case.
* Put some Chrishmash mushic on.
* Add 1 teaspoon of sugar to the fluffy butter; beat again and again
* Turn off the mixerer thingy. Lick butter off the beaterers.
* Shlowly crack open shtwo eggs and throw in the washed/dried bowl
that now hass the fluffy butter. Pick out the bigger pieshes of egg shell
from the bowl. Forget the smaller pieshes. who cares?
* Chuck in the dried fruit. Pick the frigging fruit off floor. Mix
on the turner.
* If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers, just pry it loose
with a rewscriver.
* Lick the beaterers clean again.
* Sample the Absolut to check for tonsisticity.
* Next, sift 2 cups of salt or something. Who giveshz a sheet?
* Check the Absolut.
* Now shift the lemon juice and strain your nuts.
* Add 1 table.
* Add 1 spoon.
* Add 1 cup.
* Add an oven...very hot...not cold.
* Add sugar, or somefink, or whatever you can find.
* Greash the oven.
* Turn the cake tin 360 degrees and try not to fall over.
* Don't forget to beat off the turner.
* Finally, throw the bowl through the window, finish the Absolut, and
make sure to put the shtove in the dishwasher.
* Fall ashleep.
* Wake up a few hours later.
* Drive to the nearest supermarket and buy a box of Holiday Cookies;
display them on a festive tray.
* Repeat if necessary
(I know, I know, repost, right?