Understanding engineers
08-07-2006, 04:03 PM
#1
Senior Member
True Car Nut
Thread Starter
Understanding engineers
Understanding Engineers - #1
Two engineering students were walking across a university campus
when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?" The second engineer replied,
"Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when
a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the ground,
took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want."
The first engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice; the
clothes probably wouldn't have fit you anyway."
__________
Understanding Engineers - #2
To the optimist, the glass is half-full. To the pessimist, the
glass is half-empty.
To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.
__________
Understanding Engineers - #3
A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning, for
a particularly slow group of golfers.
The engineer fumed, "What'* with those guys? We must have been
waiting for fifteen minutes!" The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've
never seen such inept golf!" The priest said, "Here comes the green-keeper.
Let'* have a word with him."
He said, "Hello George, what'* wrong with that group ahead of us?
They're rather slow, aren't they?"
The green-keeper replied, "Oh, yes. That'* a group of blind firemen.
They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always
let them play for free anytime." The group fell silent for a moment.
The priest said, "That'* so sad. I think I will say a special prayer
for them tonight."
The doctor said, "Good idea. I'm going to contact my
ophthalmologist colleague and see if there'* anything he can do for them."
The engineer said, "Why can't they play at night?"
__________
Understanding Engineers - #4
What is the difference between aerospace engineers and civil
engineers?
Aerospace engineers build weapons and civil engineers build
targets.
__________
Understanding Engineers - #5
Three engineering students were gathered together discussing who
must have designed the human body.
One said, "It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints."
Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous
system has many thousands of electrical connections."
The last one said, "No, actually it had to have been a civil
engineer
Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational
area?"
__________
Understanding Engineers - #6
Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it.
Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough
features yet.
Understanding Engineers - #7
An engineer was crossing a road one day, when a frog called out to him and
said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess." He
bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket. The frog spoke up again and
said, "If you kiss me I'll turn back into a beautiful princess
and stay with you for one week." The engineer took the frog out of his
pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket.
The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a
princess,
I'll stay with you for one week and do ANYTHING you want." Again,
the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket.
Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a
beautiful princess and that I'll stay with you for one week and do anything
you want.
Why won't you kiss me?"
The engineer said, "Look, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for
a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that'* cool."
Two engineering students were walking across a university campus
when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?" The second engineer replied,
"Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when
a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the ground,
took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want."
The first engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice; the
clothes probably wouldn't have fit you anyway."
__________
Understanding Engineers - #2
To the optimist, the glass is half-full. To the pessimist, the
glass is half-empty.
To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.
__________
Understanding Engineers - #3
A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning, for
a particularly slow group of golfers.
The engineer fumed, "What'* with those guys? We must have been
waiting for fifteen minutes!" The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've
never seen such inept golf!" The priest said, "Here comes the green-keeper.
Let'* have a word with him."
He said, "Hello George, what'* wrong with that group ahead of us?
They're rather slow, aren't they?"
The green-keeper replied, "Oh, yes. That'* a group of blind firemen.
They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always
let them play for free anytime." The group fell silent for a moment.
The priest said, "That'* so sad. I think I will say a special prayer
for them tonight."
The doctor said, "Good idea. I'm going to contact my
ophthalmologist colleague and see if there'* anything he can do for them."
The engineer said, "Why can't they play at night?"
__________
Understanding Engineers - #4
What is the difference between aerospace engineers and civil
engineers?
Aerospace engineers build weapons and civil engineers build
targets.
__________
Understanding Engineers - #5
Three engineering students were gathered together discussing who
must have designed the human body.
One said, "It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints."
Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous
system has many thousands of electrical connections."
The last one said, "No, actually it had to have been a civil
engineer
Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational
area?"
__________
Understanding Engineers - #6
Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it.
Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough
features yet.
Understanding Engineers - #7
An engineer was crossing a road one day, when a frog called out to him and
said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess." He
bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket. The frog spoke up again and
said, "If you kiss me I'll turn back into a beautiful princess
and stay with you for one week." The engineer took the frog out of his
pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket.
The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a
princess,
I'll stay with you for one week and do ANYTHING you want." Again,
the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket.
Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a
beautiful princess and that I'll stay with you for one week and do anything
you want.
Why won't you kiss me?"
The engineer said, "Look, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for
a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that'* cool."
08-07-2006, 05:58 PM
#9
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Location: West Point, Utah - Village Idiot
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This is an old one, but what the heck - it'* still funny...unless you're a computer geek! :P 
A group of 3 engineers and a group of 3 computer geeks were taking a train to a symposium. The computer geeks were bragging about the low price tickets they scored on the internet. The engineers mentioned they had only purchased one ticket, and that was all they needed. The computer geeks nearly fell off their seats laughing at the stupid engineers.
Soon the conductor started coming through the cars checking tickets. Before the conductor got to their car, the engineers piled into a restroom. The conductor eventually came by and knocked on the door, “Ticket, please.”. The engineers slid the ticket under the door, the conductor stamped it slid it back under the door, and continued on his way. After a few minutes the engineers piled out of the restroom and enjoyed the train ride to the symposium.
On the way back from the symposium, the geeks and engineers wound up in the same car again. The computer geeks were bragging about how they’d turned in two of their tickets for a refund and were going to make the trip home on one ticket. The engineers announced that they had spent all their per diem at the nudie bar and couldn’t afford a ticket for the trip home. The geeks still had tears in their eyes from laughing when they headed for the restroom at the first sight of the conductor. “Those idiots are going to get kicked off the train!” A couple minutes after the geeks locked themselves in the restroom, the engineers piled into the restroom across the hall. As the last engineer entered the restroom he knocked on the geeks’ door and said “Ticket, please.”.
A group of 3 engineers and a group of 3 computer geeks were taking a train to a symposium. The computer geeks were bragging about the low price tickets they scored on the internet. The engineers mentioned they had only purchased one ticket, and that was all they needed. The computer geeks nearly fell off their seats laughing at the stupid engineers.
Soon the conductor started coming through the cars checking tickets. Before the conductor got to their car, the engineers piled into a restroom. The conductor eventually came by and knocked on the door, “Ticket, please.”. The engineers slid the ticket under the door, the conductor stamped it slid it back under the door, and continued on his way. After a few minutes the engineers piled out of the restroom and enjoyed the train ride to the symposium.
On the way back from the symposium, the geeks and engineers wound up in the same car again. The computer geeks were bragging about how they’d turned in two of their tickets for a refund and were going to make the trip home on one ticket. The engineers announced that they had spent all their per diem at the nudie bar and couldn’t afford a ticket for the trip home. The geeks still had tears in their eyes from laughing when they headed for the restroom at the first sight of the conductor. “Those idiots are going to get kicked off the train!” A couple minutes after the geeks locked themselves in the restroom, the engineers piled into the restroom across the hall. As the last engineer entered the restroom he knocked on the geeks’ door and said “Ticket, please.”.