Certified Car Nut
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Robbinsdale, MN
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Body Hair - A Time Lapse Diary
13 years, 2 months - Sweet, a pube! I thought it was just a hair from my head that had fallen there, but thatí* definitely rooted! The things you find when youíre watching Cinemax at 2 AM. Iím finally hitting puberty! Now I can get dressed for gym without being embarrassed. Maybe Iíll try and stretch it so ití* more visible. Damn! It broke!
15 years, 9 months - Dude, a chest hair! Awesome! God, I can probably buy beer now. Iíll just wear an open-collar shirt, walk into Sammyí*, plop a sixer on the counter, pay, and walk out like nothing happened. Nobodyí* gonna card a dude with chest hair. I definitely have to start wearing polos to school, make sure Amanda sees this. Sure, Chris is a wide receiver, but Iíve got chest hair.
18 years, 10 months Ė What the hell is that? A nipple hair? What the hell? That thingí* ten feet long! I mean, I like having this chest hair and all, but who wants a nipple hair? It looks like some Rapunzel refugee. Maybe Iíll just pull it out. OH ****! Note to self: pulling out nipple hairs hurts like hell.
23 years, 1 month - Alright, thatí* enough frontal hair. My chest and stomach are beginning to look like a Rorschach test. I see a tree: the root system leading up from my happy trail, spreading across my stomach, then a narrow trunk up to my far-too-fully sprouting chest hair. I mean, this stuff is beginning to stick out of the collar when Iím not wearing a V-neck!
25 years, 5 months - Holy crap. A shoulder hair. Breathe deep, maybe ití* just something that fell off your head. Nope, definitely growing out of my shoulder. And it looks just like the damn nipple hairs I got back when I was 18! Long, ugly, and annoying. But worseÖití* GROWING from my SHOULDER! Nothing should grow from my shoulders except my goddam neck! Okay, relax, ití* only one.
25 years, 9 months Ė OK, there are 13 of them now. My shoulders are like little classrooms.
27 years, 11 months - Man. . .that is a lot of nose hair. I mean, it shouldnít be that long, should it? You shouldnít be able to see it straight on. Thatí* it, Iím getting rid of those outliers. OW! Holy Christ, it hurts to pull that out. Regardless, I will NOT be buying one of those nose-hair trimmers.
28 years - Oh crap, my wife just bought me a nose-hair trimmer.
30 years, 2 months - Oh no. Nononononono and again no. I did NOT just see back hair. Oh God, I did. OkayÖremain calm. Feels soft. Kind of downy. I guess thatí* not so bad. I mean, ití* not like the werewolf hair my brother-in-law has, tufting up around his neck like some weird scarf. You can barely see it. Iím fine.
31 years, 6 months - Thatí* it. I am no longer human, I am a beast. My once soft, plush back coat is bushy and scary. I refuse to take my shirt off at the beach now, not because of my growing gut, but because of my pelt. Iím worried somebody will shoot me with a tranquilizer and Iíll wake up in the zoo, picking cantaloupe rinds out of the gutter.
42 years, 8 months - Kill me now. Get it over with. There is most definitely hair coming out of my ears. They arenít that long yet, but theyíll get there. Why even bother fighting it? Why donít I just dye them green so everyone can definitely see?
44 years, 1 month - Yup. Full-fledged bushes have grown in my ears. A sparrow just tried to build a nest. Maybe thatí* where all that hair thatí* rapidly departed my head over the past couple years has gone.
63 years, 7 months - I no longer care. Let all my glorious hair sprout forth from wherever it may be. Let it stick out of the back of my shirt and the side of my head. Thereí* a race on between my fingers and my toes to see who can have the hairier knuckles, and I donít care. Iím going to wear shorts, sandals, and a Ďbeater. Hide the women and children, the beast has been released.
1998 SE Midnight Blue Pearl
Gutted airbox, FRAM AirHog, removed MAF Screen, eBay clear corners, extended brake lights
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