Brain Cramps

Question:
If you could live forever, would you and why?

Answer:

"I would not live forever, because we should not live forever,
because if we were supposed to live forever,
then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever,
which is why I would not live forever,"
--Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest.
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"Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids
all over the world, I can't help but cry.
I mean I'd love to be skinny like that,
but not with all those flies and death and stuff."
--Mariah Carey
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"Smoking kills.
If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life,"
--Brooke Shields, during an interview to become Spokesperson
for federal anti-smoking campaign.
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"I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body,"
--Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward.
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"Outside of the killings,
Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country,"
--Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, DC.
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"I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers.
We are the president."

--Hillary Clinton commenting on the release of subpoenaed documents.
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"That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass,
and I'm just the one to do it,"
--A congressional candidate in Texas.
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"Half this game is ninety percent mental."
--Philadelphia Phillies manager, Danny Ozark
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"It isn't pollution that'* harming the environment.
It'* the impurities in our air and water that are doing it."
--Al Gore, Vice President
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"I love California. I practically grew up in Phoenix."
--Dan Quayle
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" It'* no exaggeration to say that the undecideds
could go one way or another"
--George Bush, US President
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"We've got to pause and ask ourselves:

How much clean air do we need?"

--Lee Iacocca
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"I was provided with additional input that
was radically different from the truth.
I assisted in furthering that version."
--Colonel Oliver North, from his Iran-Contra testimony.
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"The word "genius" isn't applicable in football.
A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein."
--Joe Theisman, NFL football quarterback &sports analyst.
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"We don't necessarily discriminate.
We simply exclude certain types of people."
--Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC Instructor.
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"If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure."
--Bill Clinton, President
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"We are ready for an unforeseen event that may or may not occur."
--Al Gore, VP
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"Traditionally, most of Australia'* imports come from overseas."
--Keppel Enderbery
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"Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992
because we received notice that you passed away.
May God bless you.
You may reapply if there is a change in your circumstances."
--Department of Social Services, Greenville, South Carolina
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"If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack in at night

as they go to bed and it will monitor their heart throughout the night.
And the next morning, when they wake up dead, there'll be a record."
--Mark *. Fowler, FCC Chairman
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....Feeling smarter yet?

Thanks! I needed that laugh today!!! I'm having a Monday all over again.

Dear Department of Social Services, Greenville, South Carolina

As of July 1993 I am no longer on my dirt vacation I have been reserected doctors think that all i needed was a long nap. Please send food stamps so I can joyfully mooch off of you.

Thank you,
Slack Jaw Yokel

Thanks Mos, I needed a giggle this morning......

Yer late! This was posted yesterday! The offer has expired.....

Okay you come and take over my jobs, and then maybe I can have time to sort through all the posts......

Um......... Okay, for you I can make an exception........

Where is that chicken emoticon when ya need it?

If I want any crap outta you, lady, I'll squeeze yer head.....

[quote="MOS95B"]the same can be said for you, hon, but I have my choice between the 2 you have.