Just a few lokes
03-25-2006, 01:02 PM
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Just a few lokes
Blind Wal-Mart worker
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A woman goes into Wal-Mart to buy a rod and reel for her grandson'* birthday. She doesn't know which one to get so she just grabs one and goes over to the Counter. A Wal-Mart associate is standing there wearing dark shades.
She says, "Excuse me, sir. Can you tell me anything about this rod and reel?"
He says, "Ma'am, I'm completely blind; but if you'll drop it on the counter, I Can tell you everything you need to know about it from the sound it makes.
She doesn't believe him but drops it on the counter anyway.
He says, "That'* a six-foot Shakespeare graphite rod with a Zebco 404 reel and 10-lb Test line. It'* a good all around combination; and it'* on sale this week For only $20.00."
She says, "It'* amazing that you can tell all that just by the sound of it dropping on the counter. I'll take it!" As she opens her purse, her credit Card drops on the floor.
"Oh, that sounds like a Master Card," he says.
She bends down to pick it up and accidentally breaks wind. At first she is really embarrassed, but then realizes there is no way the blind clerk could tell It was she who tooted. Being blind, he wouldn't know that she was the only person around.
The man rings up the sale and says, "That'll be $34.50 please."
The woman is totally confused by this and asks, "Didn't you tell me it was on Sale for $20.00? How did you get $34.50?"
He replies, "Yes, Ma'am. The rod and reel are $20.00, but the duck call is $11.00 And the catfish bait is $3.50."
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
MasterCard Wedding:
You gotta love this guy... This is a true story about a recent wedding that
took place at Clemson University. It was in the local newspaper and even Jay Leno mentioned it. It was a huge wedding with about 300 guests...
After the wedding at the reception, the groom got up on stage with a microphone to talk to the crowd. He said he wanted to thank everyone for coming, many from long distances, to support them at their wedding.
He especially wanted to thank the brides and his family and to thank his new
father-in-law for providing such a lavish reception.
As a token of his deep appreciation he said he wanted to give everyone a
special gift just from him. So taped to the bottom of everyones chair, including the wedding party, was an envelope.
He said this was his gift for everyone, and asked them to open their envelope.
Inside each manila envelope was an 8x10 glossy of his bride having sex with the best man. The groom had gotten suspicious of them weeks earlier and had hired a private detective to tail them.
After just standing there, justwatching the guests reactions for a couple of minutes, he turned to the best man and said, "F--- you". Then he turned to his bride and said, "F---you".
Then he turned to the dumbfounded crowd and said, "Im outta here."
He had the marriage annulled first thing in the morning.
While most people would have canceled the wedding immediately after finding out about the affair, this guy goes through with the charade,as ifnothing were wrong.
His revenge...making the brides parents pay over $32,000 for a 300
guest wedding and reception, and best of all, trashing the brides and best
mans reputations in front of 300 friends and family members.
This guy has balls the size of church bells.
Do you think he might get a MasterCard "priceless" commercial out of
this?:
Elegant wedding reception for 300 family members and friends ..$32,000.
Wedding photographs commemorating the occasion ... $3,000.
Deluxe two week honeymoon accommodations in Maui ... $8,500.
The look on everyones face when they see the 8x10 glossy of the bride humping the best man..........Priceless.
There are some things money cant buy, for everything else theres
MASTERCARD
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Bug on windshield:
A man and a woman were driving down the road, arguing about his deplorable
infidelity when suddenly the woman reached over and sliced the man'* ***** off.
Angrily, she tossed it out the car window.
Driving behind the couple was a man and his 6-year-old daughter.
The little girl was chatting away at her father when all of a sudden the *****
smacked their car windshield, stuck for a moment, then flew off.
Surprised, the daughter asked her father, "Daddy, what the heck was that?"
Shocked, but not wanting to expose his little girl to anything sexual
atsuch a young age, the father replied, "It....it was only a bug, Honey."
The daughter sat with a confused look on her face, and after a moment said..
"Sure had a big d***, didn't it
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A woman goes into Wal-Mart to buy a rod and reel for her grandson'* birthday. She doesn't know which one to get so she just grabs one and goes over to the Counter. A Wal-Mart associate is standing there wearing dark shades.
She says, "Excuse me, sir. Can you tell me anything about this rod and reel?"
He says, "Ma'am, I'm completely blind; but if you'll drop it on the counter, I Can tell you everything you need to know about it from the sound it makes.
She doesn't believe him but drops it on the counter anyway.
He says, "That'* a six-foot Shakespeare graphite rod with a Zebco 404 reel and 10-lb Test line. It'* a good all around combination; and it'* on sale this week For only $20.00."
She says, "It'* amazing that you can tell all that just by the sound of it dropping on the counter. I'll take it!" As she opens her purse, her credit Card drops on the floor.
"Oh, that sounds like a Master Card," he says.
She bends down to pick it up and accidentally breaks wind. At first she is really embarrassed, but then realizes there is no way the blind clerk could tell It was she who tooted. Being blind, he wouldn't know that she was the only person around.
The man rings up the sale and says, "That'll be $34.50 please."
The woman is totally confused by this and asks, "Didn't you tell me it was on Sale for $20.00? How did you get $34.50?"
He replies, "Yes, Ma'am. The rod and reel are $20.00, but the duck call is $11.00 And the catfish bait is $3.50."
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
MasterCard Wedding:
You gotta love this guy... This is a true story about a recent wedding that
took place at Clemson University. It was in the local newspaper and even Jay Leno mentioned it. It was a huge wedding with about 300 guests...
After the wedding at the reception, the groom got up on stage with a microphone to talk to the crowd. He said he wanted to thank everyone for coming, many from long distances, to support them at their wedding.
He especially wanted to thank the brides and his family and to thank his new
father-in-law for providing such a lavish reception.
As a token of his deep appreciation he said he wanted to give everyone a
special gift just from him. So taped to the bottom of everyones chair, including the wedding party, was an envelope.
He said this was his gift for everyone, and asked them to open their envelope.
Inside each manila envelope was an 8x10 glossy of his bride having sex with the best man. The groom had gotten suspicious of them weeks earlier and had hired a private detective to tail them.
After just standing there, justwatching the guests reactions for a couple of minutes, he turned to the best man and said, "F--- you". Then he turned to his bride and said, "F---you".
Then he turned to the dumbfounded crowd and said, "Im outta here."
He had the marriage annulled first thing in the morning.
While most people would have canceled the wedding immediately after finding out about the affair, this guy goes through with the charade,as ifnothing were wrong.
His revenge...making the brides parents pay over $32,000 for a 300
guest wedding and reception, and best of all, trashing the brides and best
mans reputations in front of 300 friends and family members.
This guy has balls the size of church bells.
Do you think he might get a MasterCard "priceless" commercial out of
this?:
Elegant wedding reception for 300 family members and friends ..$32,000.
Wedding photographs commemorating the occasion ... $3,000.
Deluxe two week honeymoon accommodations in Maui ... $8,500.
The look on everyones face when they see the 8x10 glossy of the bride humping the best man..........Priceless.
There are some things money cant buy, for everything else theres
MASTERCARD
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Bug on windshield:
A man and a woman were driving down the road, arguing about his deplorable
infidelity when suddenly the woman reached over and sliced the man'* ***** off.
Angrily, she tossed it out the car window.
Driving behind the couple was a man and his 6-year-old daughter.
The little girl was chatting away at her father when all of a sudden the *****
smacked their car windshield, stuck for a moment, then flew off.
Surprised, the daughter asked her father, "Daddy, what the heck was that?"
Shocked, but not wanting to expose his little girl to anything sexual
atsuch a young age, the father replied, "It....it was only a bug, Honey."
The daughter sat with a confused look on her face, and after a moment said..
"Sure had a big d***, didn't it
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