HOW TO INSTALL A HOME SECURITY SYSTEM
Go to a second hand store and buy a pair of men’* work boots size 14-16 (used).
Place them on your front porch, along with a copy of Guns and Ammo Magazine.
Put a few giant dog dishes next to the boots and magazine.
Leave a note on the door that reads:
Big Jim, Duke, Slim and I gone for more ammunition.
Will be back in one hour. Don’t mess with the pit bulls—they attacked the mailman this morning and messed him up real bad. I don’t think Killer took part in it, but it was hard to tell from all the blood.
Anyway, I locked all of the dogs in the house. Better just wait outside until we get back.