Not sure if any of these have been posted before.

Five surgeons were taking a coffee break and were discussing their work. The first said, "I think accountants are the easiest to operate on. You open them up and everything inside is numbered."
The second said, "I think librarians are the easiest to operate on. You open them up and everything inside is in alphabetical order."
The third said, "I like to operate on electricians. You open them up and everything inside is color-coded."
The fourth one said, "I like to operate on lawyers. They're heartless, spineless, gutless, and their heads and their butts are interchangeable."
Fifth surgeon said, "I like Engineers...they always understand when you have a few parts left over at the end..."




An architect, an artist and an engineer were discussing whether it was better to spend time with the wife or a mistress. The architect said he enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid foundation for an enduring relationship. The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress, because of the passion and mystery he found there. The engineer said, "I like both." "Both?" Engineer: "Yeah. If you have a wife and a mistress, they will each assume you are spending time with the other woman, and you can go to the lab and get some work done."




A United States Marine was attending some college courses between
assignments. He had completed missions in Iraq and Afghanistan . One
of the courses had a professor who was a vowed atheist and a member of
the ACLU.
One day the professor shocked the class when he came in. He looked to
the ceiling and flatly stated, "God, if you are real, then I want you to
knock me off this platform. I'll give you exactly 15 minutes." The
lecture room fell silent. You could hear a pin drop. Ten minutes went by
and the professor proclaimed, "Here I am God. I'm still waiting." It
got down to the last couple of minutes when the Marine got out of his
Chair, went up to the professor, and cold-cocked him, knocking him off
the platform. The professor was out cold.
The Marine went back to his seat and sat there, silently. The other
students were stunned and sat there looking on in silence. The
professor eventually came to, noticeably shaken, looked at the Marine
and asked, "What the hell is the matter with you? Why did you do
that?"
The Marine calmly replied, "God was too busy today protecting America'*
soldiers who are protecting your right to say stupid **** and act like
an *******. So, He sent me."

Three engineers were debating God one day. There was a mechanical engineer, an electrical enginer, and a civil engineer.
The mechanical enginer argued his point.
"God is obviously a mechanical engineer. Look at the marvelous way in which all the muscles, bones and organs work together, the intricacies of load, force, and energy involved in the human body. Only a mechanical engineer could have designed the human body."
Next, the electrical engineer made his rebuttal.
"God could only be an electrical engineer. Look at the complexity of the human nervous system. A massive, multi-parallel computer, the brain, controlling miles of nerves that operate all the systems of the body. Only an electrical engineer could have accomplished such a complex task."
Finally, the civil engineer put forth his theory.
"God HAS to be a civil engineer. Who else is gonna put a playground between two sewer outlets?"