The 1st Affair:
A married man was having an affair with his secretary. One day
they went her place and made love all afternoon. Exhausted,
they fell asleep and woke up at 8 PM.
The man hurriedly dressed and told his lover to take his shoes
outside and rub them in the grass and dirt.

He put on his shoes and drove home.
"Where have you been?" his wife demanded.
"I can't lie to you," he replied, "I'm having an affair with my
secretary. We had sex all afternoon."

"You lying bastard!

You've been playing golf!"


The 2nd Affair:
A middle-aged couple had two beautiful daughters but always
talked about having a son.
They decided to try one last time for the son they always
wanted.
The wife got pregnant and delivered a healthy baby boy.
The joyful father rushed to the nursery to see his new son.
He was horrified at the ugliest child he had ever seen.
He told his wife, "There'* no way I can be the father of this
baby. Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered! Have you been fooling around behind my back?"
The wife smiled sweetly and replied, "Not this time!"


The 3rd Affair:
A mortician was working late one night.
He examined the body of Mr. Schwartz, about to be cremated, and
made a startling discovery. Schwartz had the largest private part he
had ever seen!
"I'm sorry Mr. Schwartz," the mortician commented, "I can't allow
you to be cremated with such an impressive private part. It must be
saved for posterity."
So, he removed it, stuffed it into his briefcase, and took it home.
"I have to show you something you won't believe," he said to his
wife, opening his briefcase.
"My God!" the wife exclaimed, "Schwartz is dead?!?!"


The 4th Affair:
A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband
opening the front door
"Hurry," she said, "stand in the corner."
She rubbed baby oil all over him, then dusted him with talcum
powder.
"Don't move until I tell you," she said. "Pretend you're a statue."
"What'* this?" the husband inquired as he entered the room.
"Oh it'* a statue." she replied. "The Smith'* bought one and I
liked it so much I got one for us, too."
No more was said, not even when they went to bed.
Around 2 AM the husband got up, went to the kitchen and returned
with a sandwich and a beer.
"Here," he said to the statue, "have this. I stood like that for
two days at the Smith'* and nobody offered me a damned thing."


The 5th Affair:
A man walked into a cafe, went to the bar and ordered a beer.
"Certainly, Sir, that'll be one cent."
"One Cent?" the man thought.
He glanced at the menu and asked, "How much for a nice juicy
steak and a bottle of wine?"
"A nickel," the barman replied.
"A nickel?" exclaimed the man. "Where'* the guy who owns this place?"
The bartender replied, "Upstairs, with my wife."
The man asked, "What'* he doing upstairs with your wife?"
The bartender replied,
"The same thing I'm doing to his business down here."


The 6th Affair:
Jake was dying. His wife sat at the bedside.
He looked up and said weakly, "I have something I must confess."
"There'* no need to," his wife replied.
"No," he insisted, "I want to die in peace. I slept with your
sister, your best friend, her best friend, and your mother!"
"I know, I know," she replied. "Now just rest and let the poison
work."

those are really good.

hrmmmm.....

*thinks about using this*

i'm just keeping my mouth shut

Why? Have something you want to share?? :P

you dont want him to share...it will become the most lame and boring soap opra thread ever on BC.

Oh come on, it might be fun. Plus then another excuse to bring out the dramallama.

ya Geoff....just sit there and be quite......thanks

What!!??!? Now I wanna know!!! First I thought it was all a joke, but now I'm thinking there might be something there. :P

I've thought about number 4. thankfully, it was a first floor bedroom cause there was no talcum powder