I have absolutely no idea where my purse is.
I believe that dancing with my arms overhead and
wiggling my butt while yelling WOO-HOO is truly the sexiest dance
I've suddenly decided I want to kick someone'*
A$$ and honestly believe I could do it.
In my last trip to "pee" I realize I now look more like Tammy Faye
Baker than the goddess I was just four hours ago.
The urge to take off articles of clothing, stand on a table and
sing or dance becomes strangely overwhelming.
My eyes just don't seem to want to stay open on their own so I
keep them half closed and think it looks exotically sexy.
I think I'm in bed, but my pillow feels strangely like the kitchen
I start every conversation with a booming, "DON'T take this the WRONG WAY
I'm tired so I just sit on the floor (wherever I happen to be
standing) and take a quick nap
I take my shoes off because I believe it'* their fault that I'm
having problems walking straight.
I start believing that everyone in the room wants to see my *****.
At one time, I've seen these WAY more than I woulda liked