Ten Worst Gifts to Buy a Woman


Never give a woman any kind of household appliance or something that is going to make "housework" easier. For instance, a blender, a toaster, a new vacuum, one of those mops they advertise on tv that does everything but suck the life out of you, anything in a informercial. The only wise choice is a new washing machine with a turbo spin cycle. (Makes laundry day go by pretty fast when you can at least sit on it during spin-dry and end up smiling the rest of the day.)


Any bulk cleaning supplies, "honey, I got you that large box of Tide you have been wanting." "This Windex should last you a while." "I got a good deal on the industrial strength toilet bowl cleaner." All I can say is, be prepared to run. I have faith that if you would have at least stopped and thought about what would be a much more intimate gift, you would have had the sense to spring for the $5 Chia Pet you were eyeing in Kmart.


Any sharp objects made by Ronco which slices or dices, or a set of ginsu knives. These may one day be used as a weapon against you when you come home with lipstick on your collar after a "night out with the boys."


Do not buy gifts for yourself and pretend they are for her. "Honey, I'm sure you'll get a lot of use out of the new drill I bought you." By then she will have put it to good use by drilling a quarter inch hole into the side of your skull for even thinking she would accept such a lame gift. After a gift like this, you probably won't be around for NEXT Christmas.


Any lingerie made of flannel, such as a pair of feet pajamas with a trap door in back. A Little Mermaid or Barney cartoon character nightgown. It gives her the idea that you do not consider her the sexy woman that she is. Take out that wallet and buy her something sexy.

No name perfume which costs you $1.99, such as Eu de Toilet, which actually smells like the bathroom, moldy fruit, or your dirty socks. If you are going to buy her perfume, spring for the brand names.


Any type of cubic zirconia jewelry you see on the Home Shopping Network. It will be quite embarrassing when she is showing off that fabulous diamond to her friends and tries to cut glass with it. (We actually test them you know.) Also, now would not be a good time to buy her that set of diamond nipple clamps you always wanted to, you know how we like to show off our jewelry and it could get embarrassing at the New Year'* party when she decides to show them off to your buddies.


Please do not buy her clothes because you think for one minute you have good taste in woman'* clothing. Well, perhaps you might if you are a transvestite, but all in all, believe me, she'll smile and say its beautiful while choking back tears and mumbling under her breath, "were the hell would I ever wear this outfit without being arrested for bad taste?" An additional hint, plaids do not go with stripes (even though you think your golfing outfit looks just fine). Its a known fact to the rest of the world that that is a taboo. In the Northeast, thats like wearing white after Labor Day.


Last but not least, never buy a woman anti-wrinkle cream, or a book on "How not to be Nasty Sunday through Saturday." These are not considered gifts, they are considered reasons for seriously injuring the person who bought it and just may stand up in court of law.

That stuff tastes really nasty mixed in with your dinner.

Trust me...

I must admite that I've only done the one above although I think it worked out well. After knowing her for most of her life, maybe now she'll be honest will me and tell me if she really liked it. If not I can always use it for rags when I work on the car......No wait....doesn't that fall under the " don't buy her anything that you would use yourself"?

And don't believe for one minute if they tell you that it'* REALLY what they want...really. It'* just a mean-spirited test of your ability to read their mind. I know...

You're better off spending that $350 on a ticket to GettheHelloutofDodge...and safer too.

now I have to go to the return counter at walmart


hey look slimfast

Good idea!!! Hmmmm, do I have any anniversaries/holidays coming up???

Not so good of an idea What about a gift card to a dayspa for a nice massage or a manicure/pedicure. Women love to be pampered occasionally

You know, that'* what I thought too. I bought my wife gift certificates at a nice local spa for her AND a friend, thinking I was being extra nice, ya know. Well, she let them go for a year and they expired. Real special.....

Not on my list to do again.

That is sad! I would not waste such a wonderful gift. Before I moved to MS and left Illinois( I earned a gift certificate to a spa as a bonus at work) and I took my mom with me. I got the swedish massage and she got a facial and her hair done. It was a great mother/daughter moment and it was also around Mothers day so it was extra special for us.

You were being very nice with that gesture

Very good Tracy. I love this list....It should be manditory reading for all men..........Especially around the holidays, birthdays, Mother'* Day, and of course the favourite: "Honey I am going fishing/golfing/hunting (insert your own) with the guys this weekend"