That about sums it up. As the UIM leak turns the corner to catastrophic, I get thrown another curveball. I go to start the car, and I am met with the 'everything just goes dead' response. Let off the key, and the car begins to slowly come back to life, with all the sounds of electronics freaking out due to low voltage. After messing with it, taking the battery to autozone, and the battery testing good, I call in the tow. As I am on hold while they are dispatching the tow, the car starts right up as if nothing was wrong. Cancel the tow, and take it to another autozone, to do a full charging system test, only for it to happen again. This time they tested side posts on the battery (they did the top posts last time) and the battery failed. Take it out of the car, they test it on the side posts again, and it fails. Perfect, as I was thinking I would have to fight a corrosion and troubleshoot at this point. I was on year 3.5 of 3 year free replacement, so they prorated it.
You can skip to here for the question:
What would cause a battery to work properly one one set of terminals, and not the other? What can be done to prevent this from happening again?
On a side note, $70 later, and one of these guys is sitting in the car:
The starter fires off like it is hopped up on steroids now, and I am ecstatic that I get to keep dual terminals. It makes jump starting so much easier for me.