We've had remote starters on all our cars and never had an issue with the starters. We typically keep our cars for a very long time too.
I think you're referring to the older style remote starters. The older ones would engage the starter for a set number of seconds - 2, 3, 4, or even 5 seconds. When the weather is colder it takes longer to start the car, so they'd program it to go with the maximum. If the car is warm, the starter would stay engaged longer.
But, on the newer technology, the command center reads the voltage increase from the battery and disengages the starter (once the car starts - less voltage draw from the starter) and immediately disengages the starter.