so for some reason I can't get the light to wiggle/shake come loose at all from the little holder back in the fender. I don't know how hard I can pull before I break something but I was pulling hard enough to get the car to move back and forth. any ideas to get this thing out

As I recall from what I've read here (I haven't done it personally) keeping the headlamp as level as possible, pull sharply straight back. It'* a ball and socket design, and fits snuggly. Some have said warming the plastic there a little with a heat gun (careful not to melt the plastic) or hair dryer makes it easier to remove.

It does require a significant pull force straight out the front. You can also use a short piece of 2x3 to swedge between backside of headlamp & bucket to assist also.

yes, some of the lights can be quite jammed up, it just takes a bit of persistence, and your not going to break anything... at least its very doubtful that you will

When I replaced my headlights I had a heck of a time with the passenger side one. With a little force, it came out.